My Back in His Arms

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He had my back in his arms

He had my back in his arms

In my sacred space

He had my back in his arms

In my sacred space

And I softened into stillness

He had my back in his arms

In my sacred space

And I softened into stillness

As he massaged the grief away from my shoulders

He had my back in his arms

In my sacred space

And I softened into stillness

As he massaged the grief away from my shoulders

As he brought more space to my neck

He had my back in his arms

In my sacred space

And I softened into stillness

As he massaged the grief away from my shoulders

As he brought more space to my neck

And I cried, relief, what a gift

He had my back in his arms

In my sacred space

And I softened into stillness

As he massaged the grief away from my shoulders

As he brought more space to my neck

And I cried, relief, what a gift

It is to be held where I hold, loved where I love

He had my back in his arms

In my sacred space

And I softened into stillness

As he massaged the grief away from my shoulders

As he brought more space to my neck

And I cried, relief, what a gift

It is to be held where I hold, loved where I love

So I surrendered myself fully, in trust

He had my back in his arms

And I remembered

What it is

To be so profoundly loved

Moolie

Feb 2024

It could have been real

 

This could have been a real celebration

There could have been more love

There could have been more safety

Did we really need to

Hurt so much?

Heartbreak so much?

Break so much?

We could have

Been living

With more trust

Dignity

And harmony

But the monster

Was

Too

Thirsty

For blood

Moolie

Dec 2022

My Accent

 

I will not diffuse my accent

I will let it flow

Round and full

So you can hear me

See me

Remember to humanise me

You and I are made of one

Golden earth

Our fruits are one

Our spices are one

Our water is one

We don't need to fear one another

For one, I am not obsessed with fire and explosives

And I choose to believe

You aren't out there to get me

Come back

Here

To this shared air we breathe

I get your jokes,

You get mine

I understand your formalities

I see your kindness

I see

You

So

See

Me

Please

Moolie

Dec 2022

طول شعري

 

طول شعري

وطال معاه نَفَسي

توسعت معاه ألوان أنوثتي

وطلعت ألوان الورد في فساتيني،

أمد يديني بوسع عالمي "الكنكون"

المساحة اللي ترقص بينهم

بستان

أعرفه

من زمان،

بستان لذيذ جداً

اضطريت أرحل عنه شوي

عشان أرجع استمتع فيه أكثر.

طول شعري

وجاب معاه عيون ماي وطيور وفراشات

وأغاني من عبق رحمي

وبهجة من ضوا أحلامي

أغاني أغاني

أرقص فيها ومعاها..

شقد حلو

اني رجعت بهالقد لذة

لنفسي

مولي

١ ديسمبر ٢٠٢٢

I'll Take My Time

 

I'll take

My time

I'll take

As much time

As the waves

Of my body

Dictate

I'll take my time to sense into the ocean that is my endlessly rippling thoughts

I'll take my time to fetch the words that articulate precisely how I feel

Before

Presenting them to you

I'll take my time to answer you

To comment

To respond

So please

Don't let this slowness fool you

It is not because I don't know

..Or don't know enough

It is because I know too much

And the moment doesn't always require nor allow for a

Flood of verbs and nouns and adjectives and concepts and wonderings and musings

To be

Let me

Take

My time

To hand pick

What can be best said

Right now

Take my time

To delve into

The bottom of my truth

Take my time

To feel

Safe

To speak

Take my time

To trust

Take my time

To stay

This

Committed

To my truth

Moolie

Oct 2022

Ears to Wounds

"Happy birthday to you!"

I wanted to say

A few days ago

But emails and emails hitting an ice-cold wall

Taught me

To choose my letters wisely

We

Could have been

Not here

Fifteen years following our first meteor-shower encounter

We could have been

Looking back

At what was

At what happened

Laughing

We could have been taking this lightly

You could have chosen not to be so ashamed of your doing

You could have trusted that I'd wholeheartedly forgive you, should you have just shared your heart a tad bit more

We could have not been tiptoeing so dramatically around a story that once lived, found its glory then fell and crashed

We could have been walking lighter away from it

But

You chose silence

I yearned for heart pours

And you chose silence

I ached for laying all the cards on the table

And you chose silence

I (just) wanted to shit out all the thoughts and feelings (and be seen)

And you

Chose

Silence

..

My biggest, hardest lesson, your silence has been

A gruesome teacher..

Yet

Your silence

Is the boundary

That teaches me

Over and over again

To take fully agency of myself

To hold my weeping raw heart and lift it up towards Mother Sun to heal by Her grace and light

To create space

In the canvas of my own world

To speak my truth

Here

And be the ears to my wounds

Moolie

1 Aug 2022

P.S. Happy birthday

عائدة

عائدةٌ

أنا

الى

قلبِ

قلبي

مياه

روحي

اشتاقت

لبحيرتها

ضللت كثيراً

طالت بي الدروب

جرفني الألم والخوف

بعيداً

عن البيت

الذي

بنيت

صبّوا فيّ اخباراً وأمصالاً

رسموا وخططوا على جسدي

قطّعوا ووضعوا وأزالوا

وأنهكوا

وأضافوني رقماً في سجل انجازاتهم

ضللت في متاهات العيادات ومواعيدها وردهات انتظارها ورائحة منظفاتها وبرود سكونها القاتم

ضللت في دوامة الخوف من تكرار التجربة

ضللت في خشية من أن أعيش

خوفاً من أن أرحل

أجّلت وأجّلت

وراكمتُ أحلاماً كثيرة

ضللت عن نفسي

ضللتُ حتى أشتقت

اليّ

ضللتُ حتى شدني

قلبي الى قلبي

وناداني النور

وانهالت دموعي حنيناً

أعلنها اليوم يا قلب..

اني

عائدة

الى بيتي

الى نفسي

مولي

يوليو 2022

المزعجة

أقول للناس أنني أمشي سريعاً

لأنني قصيرة

وتعودت أن أسرع من خطوتي لأعوض قصرها

انما في الحقيقة

أنا امشي سريعاً

لأن الطفلة في داخلي

تخاف أن تكون "مزعجة"

فهي يقال لها "مزعجة" عندما تجري

"مزعجة" عندما تأخذ وقتها

"مزعجة" عندما تبوح بما تُريد بدقة

"مزعجة" عندما تتألم

"مزعجة" عندما تُحِب

"مزعجة" عندما تغضب

"مزعجة" عندما يزورها طيف التوتر والربو

 "مزعجة" عندنا يتفجر شغفها

"مزعجة" عندما تتعامل مع المطبخ كمرسم وتلون ألواناً لذيذة

"مزعجة" عندما تهدي الهدايا

"مزعجة" عندما تَسهر

"مزعجة" عندما تقرر المكوث في البيت بدلاً من الذهاب الى العمل

"مزعجة" عندما تتمرد على خراء التخلف

"مزعجة" عندما تُحب رفيقاتها ورفاقها

"مزعجة" عندما تفترش المساحة بأجنحتها المتلئلئة

"مزعجة" عندما تخطط لمغادرة العش

"مزعجة" وهي تغادر

"مزعجة" وهي تسرد قصتها

موسيقى روحي سٌميت مراراً "ازعاجاً"

انما موسيقى روحي ملكٌ لي

وحقي

أنا هنا

يا أحباء

لأغني

كيفما شئت

أحرر نفسي من السرد القديم

أحرر نفسي من أصفاد الخوف

أمشي ببطء كيفي

أتحرك على نغم ما يُهمس بداخلي

أتعمق في عذوبة بحيرة قلبي

وأظل أفرد جناحيّ

أظل أرفرف

أظل ألوّن

أظل أضحك، أعشق، أغني، أحب، أتمرد، أحطم، أولد من جديد مرة بعد مرة،أعشق، أذوب، أطير وأعود، أصرخ، أحن، أعطي وأستلم

أحلم وأسلّم

أسلّم

أسلّم نفسي

لهوى نفسي

مولي

ديسمبر ٢٠٢١