Ears to Wounds

"Happy birthday to you!"

I wanted to say

A few days ago

But emails and emails hitting an ice-cold wall

Taught me

To choose my letters wisely

We

Could have been

Not here

Fifteen years following our first meteor-shower encounter

We could have been

Looking back

At what was

At what happened

Laughing

We could have been taking this lightly

You could have chosen not to be so ashamed of your doing

You could have trusted that I'd wholeheartedly forgive you, should you have just shared your heart a tad bit more

We could have not been tiptoeing so dramatically around a story that once lived, found its glory then fell and crashed

We could have been walking lighter away from it

But

You chose silence

I yearned for heart pours

And you chose silence

I ached for laying all the cards on the table

And you chose silence

I (just) wanted to shit out all the thoughts and feelings (and be seen)

And you

Chose

Silence

..

My biggest, hardest lesson, your silence has been

A gruesome teacher..

Yet

Your silence

Is the boundary

That teaches me

Over and over again

To take fully agency of myself

To hold my weeping raw heart and lift it up towards Mother Sun to heal by Her grace and light

To create space

In the canvas of my own world

To speak my truth

Here

And be the ears to my wounds

Moolie

1 Aug 2022

P.S. Happy birthday