تراما الصوت

 

أخاف أحياناً

أن بعد صمت العزيز

سيحل جفاف صمت أطول

وأخاف أحياناً

أن بعد صمت العزيز

سينفجر الصوت الغاضب في وجهي..

وسيعلو ويعلو الصوت

وتتسع تتسع الأعين

ويحمر يحمر الوجه

وتلوح تلوح اليدين

وسيملأ فضاء الغرفة الصراخ

 حتى تتلاصق موجات الصوت ببعضها

 ‏فلا يبقى بينهما شيء

 ‏ولا أسمع إلا الطنين..

 ‏تدمع عينيّ من فكرة ذاك الطنين..

 ‏في لحظة الهزة، حيث تأخذني 'تراما'تي بعيداً، حتى صوت النفس يبدو صراخاً..

 ‏فأرتعب من النَفَس..

 ‏تخيلوا..!

 ‏نَفسٌ يرعبني

 ‏ونَفسٌ يشفيني..

مولي

أكتوبر 2021

*تراما = trauma = تجربة مؤلِمة؛ تعرض للاذى؛ صدمة/ جرح/ أذى؛ صدمة (نفسية)/ هلع؛ ضر جسدي

هذا البيت شفاء

حين يشتد الصخب في الخارج

ويعلو صوت النزاع

وتُشكك الحشود في نوايا قلوب بعضها

أجلس هنا

وسط واحتي

ممتنةً لهذا الكهف الجميل الذي صنعته

ألوان ُ روحي في كل زاوية منه

هنا..

حيث تفترش الرأفة،

حيث أُغنّي وأُسمَع

حيث الستائر لا تُسدل على بصر القلب بسهولة

والمحبة هي المبتغى دوماً

والضحِك بَرَكه

هنا

أجلس

ألوّن كما يحلو لي

يومي كما يحلو لي

أخيطه، أنتقي حروفه ونغماته..

أحداث القصة، لُطف

تُسرَدُ.. بلطف..

لُطف..

هذا البيت رأفة

هذا البيت رحمة

هذا البيت نعمة

هذا البيت لُطف

هذا البيت شفاء..

أمل

نوفمبر 2020

أبكي

أبكي

حين يسمونكِ بإسمٍ غير اسمك

فلسطين

أبكي حين يقفز إبن أخي فرحاً برؤيتي وتبرق عيناه

أبكي

حين أكون في حضور الموج

واورجازم السيمفونيات

ودلع القطط

والابتسامات التي تصب كل ما في قلوب أصحابها من طيبة نحو النور

أبكي

وأنا أتأمل عازفي الموسيقى

وابتسامة أمي الشفافة

ورقة قلب أبي

أبكي

وأنا أتناول طعاماً أعدّته يداي

وأنا أذوب رقصاً

وأنا ملئي امتنان

..

هذه الدموع كثيرة

لأن هذه المشاعر كثيرة

وهذا القلب كبيرٌ كبير

جديرٌ بأن تُعلق عليه صفحاتاً وصفحات من الشعر

وأنا تعلمت

بعد ٣٧ عاماً من العيش معه

أن أُسلم نفسي لهواه

أمل

فبراير 2021 

Letter to King Dearest

An open letter to the Divine inner masculine

King, dearest,

Blessed I am to know you. Humble I am to need you.
With tears in my eyes and a weary mind, with a heart pouring with waters of love, with faith big and deep, I call upon you.
I call upon you.
Please, hold me.
Hold those million thoughts that rollercoaster through my nerves.
Hold the grief that keeps making an appearance on the stage.
Hold me tight when I need to grow.
Hold me solidly, gracefully, strong and tall.
Here I am, on the brink of falling every morning. Hold me, hold me so I don't fall. And when I fall extend your beautiful arm and pull me to the cove that is your chest.
King, dearest,
I see you. I know you. I hear you. I feel you.
I surrender my need for you to you.
I surrender my desire for you to you.
Be the warmth to my wandering winds.
Be the space to my music.
Be the shiny solid wooden floor to my dancing feet.
Be the rivers of my love.
Be the rivers of my love.
Be the rivers of my love.

amal
26.1.21

Ablaze

I will not
Calm down

Let my anger roar
Let my tears waterfall
Let my laugh be so loud
All the babies in the neighborhood wakeup

I will not
Calm down

There's fire burning under my skin
Thick and fiesty and wild
And she wants to be
Ablaze

I will not
Calm
The Ef
Down

Those tears are ancient
You're foolish to think
They'll ever seize to flow
This grief is as much beautiful
As it is aching

I
Will NOT
Fucking
Calm
Down!

This chest has flung open and there's a rowdy love orgy mishmashing in rivers of cherry wine right here
This heart
Is all the music that ever was, ever is, played by all the music instruments that ever existed
This love
Is big, it ripples to the very non-edges of the universe

I will roar
I will chop off the head of my own demons
Spit out the dust
And dance around the fires of passion
That are

HERE
Naked
Naked
Naked
Raw
Raw
Raw

I will be all that I am

Moolie

Nov 2020

Merely but a Love Song

 

Click here for recording

Come

Into this beautiful space

Of the Heart

I have flower petals

Dipped in rose water

Infused by the enchanting spirit of Palo Santo

Waiting for you

I’ve fluffed the entire floor

To welcome your graceful arrival

You’re here, now

It’s an honour seeing you here

In your utter fullness

How beautiful your soul is

Through your eyes

I see Her glimmering

Welcome, welcome

Here’s some soul-melting tea

This space is safe

This space is blessed

And you are held

By Divine omnipresence

Welcome, welcome,

Your hand can hold mine

(If you want)

As I softly usher us

Into stillness

I know, it’s quiet..

Quiet is the main ingredient

In this magic soup

In this ceremony of

Embracing all our layers

When it’s quiet

We hear all the voices clearly

We welcome them to sit with us here too..

All the voices have a seat

A fluffed seat

For all the voices

Are as sacred

As every other bit of you

Breathe

Breathe into your fullness

All that is here is a mirror

All that you see is you

Breathe in, breathe out

Melt in awe of all of you

Do you feel this..

Do you hear them?

The soft whispers of love throbbing in your heart?

Summon them

Let them become your song

Let us

Hear your song

This world was made

For us to play

So sing, beloved, sing

Show us the beauty of your voice when

You’re soulfully naked

Humm.. Sing..

And I shall dance

To your tune

In your aureate light

Come, come dance too

And you’ll see

You’ll see

How our hearts’ music

Is one

How the deepest soul of our souls

Is merely but a love song

Moolie

Oct 2020

The Perfect Chaos

Rocks by the ocean
Don't cry
When waves break them into stones
Plants don't grieve
When their leaves fall in season
A song never complains
That it's about to end

They all know
They are both impermanent
And eternal
They all know
That birth,
Preservation
And destruction
Occur simultaneously, constantly

The dances of the universe
Are all intertwined
Everything
Penetrates
One another
Everything surrenders parts
Of itself to the other

In our worlds
Despite all the stories
All the lament
All the drama
All is in complete chaos
And all is in perfect order
All is well
All is well
All is well

amal
Aug 2020

When We Hug

What happens when we hug again?

Will I cry, my pores pouring grief?

Will I breathe in sync with your chest

For five whole minutes?

Will I hold you dearly and forget to let go?

Will it be nostalgic?

Will there be a taste of fear?

Will it be new or familiar.. or all the above?

Will there be music, butterflies

and magical orbs of light?

And

How can I hug you NOW

with that much love?

amal

Aug 2020