Stupid Phone Calls

..some stupidity these days can provide comic relief if you don't allow it to hike up your blood pressure:

1. Calling the Salon:

Me: hi, is Irine back?

Receptionist: aaaaah maaaam she’s busy now

Me: it’s OK, I’m not coming now. I just wanted to know if Irine is back from her vacation.

Receptionist: maaam she has customer

Me: That’s ok! Can I take an appointment with her at 5:30 today?

Receptionist: no maaaaam she’s busy with customer

Me: OK but it’s 1 now, is she booked all day?

Receptionist: Irine half day today

Me: OK thanks.

2. Calling the restaurant:

Waiter: Hello good afternoon, this is Melanie, welcome to X how can I help you?

Me: Hi, I would like to place an order for take out please

Waiter: aaaah maaam sorry..

Me: [interrupting] yes I know you stopped delivering, I would like to order for take out. I will come take the food myself.

Waiter: aaah but we don’t have the…

Me: what, you don’t have take out plates?

Waiter: (confused) aaah you want take out.. where is your location?

Me: I’ll order for take out, you don’t need my location, I will come to you restaurant to pick up the food

Waiter: we cannot deliver to you..!

Me: I know

Waiter: hold on maam…. [I wait for a few moments, hear her talking to someone else].. hello mam, OK I’ll take your order.. first where is your location?

Me: you know what, I change my mind, I don’t want to order anything. Thank you.

3. With Supplier:

After producing thousands of copies that were supposed to be exactly like the sample from place X but were not, I call the supplier to investigate what happened:

Me: Hi, so about the copies, why didn’t you pick up the samples from X place and check them yourself?

Supplier: on Thursday there was a mistake done by the driver, I sent him to X place and he took the samples to Y place.

Me: but it was Tuesday, not Thursday. Thursday the job was done.

Supplier: ok Tuesday

Me: when you didn’t get the samples from the driver, didn’t you wonder where they went? Wasn’t that the whole point of sending the driver there?

Supplier: err I don’t know, I thought we were supposed to take them to place Y

Me: so it wasn’t the driver’s mistake

Supplier: (sighing really loud) no, it was my mistake, OK? What do you want me to do now?

Me: I’ll see.

On Pads, Panties and Oppression

Among all the sexist discrimination against women and the oppression of them as a gender every day, our society seems to go beyond measures to seize every opportunity to tighten its grip around women’s minds (and vaginas). Two instances I have recently encountered have proven to me how ridiculous this controlling system is. Read this and, well, if you don’t cry I hope you laugh:

1. At the pharmacy:

I parked my car in front of the pharmacy late one night to pick up menstrual pads, leaving my bag behind in the car.

Went in, picked up a pack of pads, went to the cashier desk and paid for them. Meanwhile the lady behind the counter puts the pads in a plastic bag. Before she does so I told her there was no need for a bag (I try to save on using plastic bags by using my HANDS instead to carry groceries) . She ignores me and puts the pads in a bag nonetheless. I pull the pads out and give her back the plastic bag. She gets very angry and looks at me as if I were crazy, saying, “bes hatha kotex!!!” (=but this is kotex/menstrual pads!!!).

I walked out with the pads in my hand, and with a whirl of bafflement in my head.

2. At the lingerie shop:

This time I didn’t mind using the small crisp La Senza paper bag – since I know I’ll reuse it many times again. I did, however, ask the shop keeper NOT to wrap the 5 cotton panties I bought on discount with tissue paper. She, too, ignored me, and started wrapping. I repeated my request, “no need to wrap them”. She went, “but it will show!! Not good!!”, and I replied, “but I am the one who will carry it!!” (i.e. it’s my say).

Crazy.

Am I supposed to pretend as if I don’t get my period? Or that I don’t wear underwear? What is so shameful about my femininity that they want me to conceal all the time? Or am I required to be a “seamless female” without distracting anyone with the details?

The above are only 2 examples of what happens every day in our society as ways to suppress women in the most trivial ways. As a result you have young women who have never visited gynecologists for fear of rumors, women who do not buy their own condoms thus risk catching an STD or facing unwanted pregnancy, women who look down to the floor when they are in an elevator with men and haven’t the slightest self esteem to be strong, independent healthy human beings and lift their head high.

..5 Great Inventions Waiting to Be Invented..

I wish someone would invent:

• A Shut Up Machine: which you can point at loud/annoying people who you want to shut up

• A Car Status Screen: (bf's brilliant idea) which you can place on the back of your car facing others, and it would display messages you want them to read, e.g. leave some space between us, there is no need to honk as soon as the lights go red because I have two eyes and I can see hence why I have a driving licence, fuck off, sorry, thank you, please bear with me, what's a horse doing in your back seat, etc..

• A Mental Messaging System: which you can use to send mental messages to someone without the need for verbally expressing them. It would also have options like keeping sender anonymous and blocking incoming messages.

• Mental Google: simple, if you want to google something, you just think about it and press the mental google button.

• CTRL+Z, Food Edition: you can use it at a restaurant when what you're served is disappointing and you want to change the order to something better.

On Off-Target Advertising Kitchens

As a person who's been working in marketing for the past 5 years, I find that, at the end of every discussion I have with a colleague in the advertising and communications industry, we always reach the same conclusion: the Bahraini market is still not mature in terms of advertising.

There are plenty of reasons for Bahrain being so, such as the tribal managament of business, not having a risk-taking culture, and because we are still a family-oriented society that mainly relies on word of mouth and personal recommendations.

However today I am writing to shed light on a specific reason that contributes to the immaturity of communications in Bahrain, which takes place at "communications kitchens"; the advertising agency.

For those of you who don't know, advertising agencies are hired by companies to communicate and promote their products in the market. Typically, there are two main departments in every agency; the client-servicing department, which acts like the "waiter" that takes the client's order (brief), and the creative department, which consists of a number chefs and their assistants (graphic designers and writers).

My main problem is that the chefs and their assistant in most agencies, of which 90% are expats, have no local understanding. They don't know whether their customer (society) likes mild or spicy food, whether they are carb crazy or fat frenzy. What's worse is that, when they actually know, they are very judgemental of society's taste. They are judgemental of how people think and behave. They resist understanding it so badly that their final communication product is a failure.

While even I, as you may notice from my blog, have a number of objections on common socioeconomic trends in this country, I also understand that, as a marketeer working in a commercial corporation, I am not in the right position to push the kind of influence I want (there are other places where I can make a difference). My job, as a marketeer, is to accept this society, understand how it behaves, point out its needs and fill them with my products.

I am sorry to say that my friends in the kitchen do not realize what they are doing. The reason for that I am not sure of. Could be arrogance, could be ignorance, could be laziness. In all cases, in is a behaviour that has negative influence, and for them, instead of blaming clients and this society for the lack of progress in their own (creative) careers, they need to look inside and realize how they can start the change from inside the kitchen.

..ذو الرداء الأحمر..

عودتني أمي منذ صغري على قصص كلاسيكية بحلةٍ محلية، شخصية، فكانت سندريلا فلسطينية، سرق الاسرائيليون خفها وهربت عبر البحر والنهر لاجئة.. وبالتأكيد في خضم هذا كله لم يكن للأمير الوسيم أي داعٍ.. والغريب أنه لم يكن أبداً للقصص نهاية..
غزلاً بماما.. هاكم ذو الرداء الأحمر..

حبيبي ذا الرداء الأحمر، جسده الحنطي يلمع ذهباً، والشعر الأصفر بلون الشمس تطل الشعرات الفضيات بين خيوطه حكمةً وسحراً.. ريق حبيبي بطعم التوت واللوز، نفسه أخضر كأمواج قلبه الشغف، وعينيه لا تذرفان إلا عذب الدمع، فيسقي ولا يهمل.. حبيبي كان أجملهم روحاً وأكثرهم وسامة..

وفي يوم من الأيام، استيقظ حبيبي بعيداً عن مزرعته، ملقاً وسط الغابة..

دنوت منه لأطمان على حاله، فلم يفهم سؤالي، وقابل ضياعه بموجةٍ هستيرية من الغضب، لكني لم أفهم لغته..

كان قد هرب كل لونٍ من شعره وحل البياض محله، غارت عيناه الذابلتان ونشفتا.. والدخان المتكاثف لم يتوقف عن الانبعاث من بين أصابعه.. سيجارةً تشعل تاليتها.. والغضب ينتفض في جسده.. مسمماً مساماته.. ورائحة نفسه أصبحت لا تُطاق..

ومن ذهولي، وخوفي منه، وعلى حبي له مني، هربت وقلبي مفطور.. وعندما وصلت إلى مزرعتي.. توقف قلبي عن الخفقان..

-ليست النهاية-

..dream replies to annoying comments..

...what I really want to say to some extremely annoying people..


Annoying Comment: you look like you've put on some weight/your belly is bigger!!
Dream Reply: Really?! Thanks a lot for telling me, I thought maybe I was just plain pregnant. Now that I realize I do not look like an anorexic super model, I should just shoot myself, shouldn't I..? Nothing in life is worth living for if you're not super skinny.

Annoying Comment: when will you and your boyfriend get married? It's about time...
Dream Reply: when are you planning to read a full real book? when will you regularly go to the gym? when will you fart next? when will you realize you have Virginitis and loosen up..?

Annoying Comment: you're an alcoholic
Dream Reply: you're a fastfoodolic. And you have Virginitis.

Annoying Comment: have you ever thought of straightening your hair? It's too curly.. your life will be easier..
Dream Reply: have you ever thought of how shallow are..?

Annoying Comment: fasting is good for health, you should try it..
Dream Reply: minding your own business is good for your health, you should try it..

Annoying Comment: you're too radical
Dream Reply: your ass is too tight

..غدٌ ليس ببعيد ..

تدمير أهرامات الجيزة الثلاث
دمشق تسقط تحت الاحتلال الأمريكي
بناء ملعب غولف على مستوى عالمي فوق مدافن عالي الدلمونية
تحويل قلعة البحرين الى سجن مركزي
ضريبة الهواء، 25% من دخل كل مواطن
لا زراعة للورود الا بإذن حكومي
كاميرات أمنية في كل مساكن دبي
خصخصة التعليم، والصحة والعدل
لبس البنطلون، حرام
ارضاع الكبير، حلال
حضر النقاب في فرنسا لأنه "لا يحترم المرأة"
اختطاف عالم نووي ايراني بتهمة الارهاب
فيروز ممنوعة من الغناء
الجلاد يرشح نفسه للانتخابات القادمة

..وستنشر الأخبار،
وستصير زوبعة في فنجان دوبل اسبريسو من ستاربكس،
وسيعطى كل واحد من القراء حشيشةً يدخنها،
يدورها،
يدخنها،
يدورها،
يدخنها،
حتى لا يبقى لا ورقٌ ولا كبريت
ولا عقلٌ ولا ضمير
وتستيقظ الجماهير كلها عاريةً
إلا من الجهل..

Hatred

Feed the fire fire..
Hatred, gasoline and wood..
Feed the fire fire and your heart
Shall breathe in soot
And breathe out ash
Heal not your stinking hatred
And it shall
Lurk forever like a stiff ghost
In the centre of your throat..

Think+++

I went on a disastrous vacation last month. It was so disastrous that the worse matters became, the funnier I found the vacation overall. When I had had enough, fearing it would get seriously damaging, I cut my vacation short and came back to Bahrain, spending the few days before I went back to work meditating and contemplating the shock those 10 days were.

In order not to sink into that level of negativity again, I made a decision to try my best to maintain a high level of positivity and optimism. Which I began to practice immediately, starting with yoga, herbs and dead-sea bath salts to calm my stressed mind, to walking away from negative people, to accepting negative comments with a laugh, and spreading positive thought and energy generously to my surroundings.

It worked perfectly fine for me. But let me tell you this. One does not begin to realize how much negativity there is in this world until they see it (the world) with positive eyes. People, at least maybe in this part of the world, I wholeheartedly say, are allergic to positivity. Well of course, isn’t surrendering to laziness, failure, misery and moaning about it, the easier option? Doesn’t it take less effort to maintain the status quo than to make a constructive change?

And although it is entirely up to people to choose to be happy or not, no one has the right to destructively walk around spreading bad energy, reeking of negativity, blurting out spears of insensitive words left and right.

As human beings, we are all entitled to low times every now and then, as long as it doesn’t turn into a habit. Negative people are annoying, lazy, selfish naggers, who suck the life out of everyone and everything around them. Yes, even animals and plants can sense that –and they die.

When you’re positive, not only does it keep your body and mind fresh and healthy, not only does it touch the hearts of everyone around you, but it also makes you a happy, stable, successful person.

So unfrown those eyebrows. Shake the stress away. Spread that beautiful smile. Lighten up. Shine onto the world. You’re beautiful!


For more on positivity from my entaifah click here.

Attempts to Reflect

Never really had much of a talent with lines and colours, but lately I've been curious about what I can do with brushes and some paint, so here are my humble attempts:

1. Fire, Fire: Painted this in Amman, Jordan, May 2007, with oil paint:
2. Ugly Face of Depression, Bahrain (how ironic), with acrylics: By the way, got my canvases, brushes and paints from this shop in Riffa called Maktabat al Manar. Reasonable prices, got a discount too!

Day Ate at My New Job

I'm in an office for four all by myself. It's freezing and the sounds of the air conditioner numbs and dumbs my mind. People pass by and give me weird looks for sitting all alone staring at the dull IBM laptop screen. I hate black laptops. I still can't find the window key. Maybe it does not exist here. Damn it.

I asked my boss a gazillion times to give me some tasks to no avail. Do you think he wants to get rid of me already? But i didn't even do anything yet.

Still fantasizing about taking that one-way random ticket and screaming like a frightened kid as I run out of this world to another dimension. Or Dubai.

Ah. What a sweet thought.

Your Brain is there for a Reason

I have very basic IT skills. My colleagues at work see me as an IT goddess though. I’m flattered, but it’s not true.

For months, my work pals utilized me as an IT helpdesk, asking questions like this:

• Amal, my Wifi doesn’t work!
• Amal, why can’t I send that 400 GB file through Outlook?
• How can I sum/sort numbers in Excel?
• Can you help me print this picture?
• Can you send me our logo for the millionth time?
• Could you please leave all the real tasks you’re working on and come help us with this silly problem because we’re too lazy to press F1 and look for a solution?

This is an example on how dependant our culture raises us to be. I don’t mind helping, but it frustrates me how our people always rely on helpers, heroes and saviours to aid them.

How do you expect to be knowledgeable and rewarded when you don’t gain knowledge through experience? What would happen if you use F1, or use a dictionary or create your own solution, or just fuckinggoogleit?

Are we a lazy nation? Do we lack the intelligence and novelty? Are we really happy where we are, spoon-fed in diapers?

In a nation where those who “teach” and preach are sacred, it shouldn’t come across as shocking. In a country where students are not even introduced to the notion of “thinking outside the box” and tolerance is barely enough to survive the day in semi-peace, what do we expect?

Got a Happy Pill?

I haven’t been ok. I hate nagging. I hate complaining. But dammit, I shall turn into a dry toast if I don’t.

I’d had a great vacation in Jordan, but as soon as I set foot in the island everything went berserk.

My flu went worse. I have been diagnosed with asthma. My boss’s secretary left and I had to, painfully, replace her for the time being. My mama is out of the country for three weeks. I have been eating like a pig, and yes, I gained weight. No cigarettes for the past three weeks. M turned out to be with someone. I don’t know how to fix the new rubber bits of my car’s wipers. And I have the weirdest dreams every night. I’m on call all weekend.

Above that all, I’ve been accused of being edgy, distant and fat. Seriously, what do you expect?

For the first time ever in my life I do not feel like socializing. All I want is to switch my phone off and sleep. For hours and hours and hours. Do I want to talk to anyone? No. Do I want to drink, shop or dance? No. Nothing

I’m not depressed. It’s just a phase, I know that, hence my ability to look at this and still smile.

Everyone who finds me unbearable these days, please take a few footsteps back. Your happiness fairy shall return soon, just let her be for the time being.

Peace.

Venting My Anger..

I hate it when:

• People click Apply then OK
• They pretend that Google does not exist
• I have to remind my colleagues twice about walking into the meeting room
• My teammates ask each other what they will be having for Fatoor tonight. What’s the point?
• Important/urgent emails are ignored and trivial ones are replied to
• I have Craft Moments*
• N says, “ ‘3arbal allah bleesesh” (you’ll receive an excruciating punch for that one day)
• People suddenly decide to be super-bitches (super hint)
• I know too much information about one’s children (yes, we know they’re cute, enough now..)
• I’m easily distracted
• Some people think they can fool me when they’re too damn obvious
• I can’t find the dream dress / pair of sandals I’ve been looking for
• People just disappear
• Certain people take jokes too seriously. Wtf, chill, baby!

Note to all the hot mamas in the office: I’m only nasty cuz I love you so much (puppy face)..

“I Love It When” list, coming soon, perhaps after Eid when all this mess is over..

*CRAFT = Can’t Remember a Fucking Thing